Three| Take It Easy

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I am practicing a more balanced and slow-down life with the mindset of “take it easy”:  Motherhood –  Don’t compare the kid’s performance with the best one in the field.

It’s quite well known that Chinese parents are “tiger moms” and they push very hard their kids as well as themselves in an attempt to raise academically successful kids. Being a Chinese mom, I am often tempted to compare my kids’ progress with their peers and strived to be the best. “Someone’s kid swims very well, you should start to learn swim too.” “some kid is a chess champion, you should practise more of your chess.” etc.etc… No. I know this kind of thinking is not good. After all, the purpose of motherhood is to raise happy and healthy kids, not academically successful kids. That’s the basic point.

The other day, when I read a discussion thread regarding the topic of how to raise more independent kids in one of the popular forums, one of the comments was very inspiring to me, “The other day I went to see my friend’s kid play football. His name is Jim. One of the kids on the field was very active and played very well. In comparison, Jim wasn’t very active and showed somewhat constraint during the play. However, if you didn’t compare Jim’s performance with the very active kid, he played quite to a normal standard of his age. Jim’s parents didn’t compare his performance with the other kid. Thus, the whole family actually had a good time on the field.”

Yeah, I can’t agree more: Don’t compare your kid’s performance with the best one in the field.  I have to constantly remind myself of this.  Here are the three key point that I determined to do:-

1. Purposely ignore some of the childish behaviors of my kids. Allow them to act silly sometimes. Kids are kids. They act according to their age. I don’t request them to behave according to adult’s standard.

2. In a team or with some other kids, I don’t only look at the best kids in the group and compare my kids’ performance to that kid’s. My kids have their own talents and progress. As a mom, I should and have to learn not to compare.

3. Enjoy my kids’ progress. Encourage more. Absolutely no negative or belittling words.

Motherhood isn’t easy. It’s a learning process for me. I’ll monitor closely of my own motherhood progress, instead of staring at my kids’ performances. For now, I’ll to stick to the above three points.

Two| Take It Easy

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I am practicing a more balanced and slow-down life with the mindset of “take it easy”:  Motherhood – don’t worry too much about the kids.

Mom is the life and soul of a family.   She determines the atmosphere of the family life.   With an unhappy mom, it’s almost impossible to have a happy family.  However, most of the moms are worried too much of their kids: school, work, health, marriage — almost everything of their kids.  How can a mom like this be a happy mom?

According to the Law of Attraction, you can get whatever you want, as long as you have strong enough desire.

If a mom believes her kids have the power and ability to deal with all the issues and difficulties in their lives, this “believe” will become a “bless”.  As a consequence, her kids will become truly blessed because of such strong blessing from their mom.  On the contrary, if a mom worries too much of their kids, this “worry” may become a “curse”.  The aftereffect might be her kids becoming what she worries about.

Therefore, mom, please examine your each and every flashing thinking in your mind: do you truly believe and thus bless your kids, or do you worry too much?  Truly, if you love your kids, don’t worry for them, believe in them, bless them!

I read this Chinese article from here.  This article came in just in time.  I need such positive thinking.  Kids have their own way of life, and they have to learn to face and experience their own life.  As a mom, the best I can do is to believe in them, trust them, and bless them.

Original article:

别对你的孩子担心太多

证严法师说:“如果一个父母常常担心他的孩子,他的孩子会没有福气;因为福气都被父母给担心掉了。”

师父又说:“如果父母希望他的孩子有福气,就要多多祝福他的孩子,而不是担心他的孩子。”

一位年轻人听到这样的话十分兴奋,回到家马上转述证严法师的话给他妈妈听。从此以后,他母亲就很少再对他唠叨了,他看到母亲也不会再躲,反而在下班之余,会找母亲聊聊天,他觉得现在他跟母亲像朋友一般自在。

妈妈常常是一家的灵魂人物,她掌握了一个家的家庭气氛,我相信:如果没一个快乐的妈妈,就很难有一个快乐的家庭。然而,大多数的妈妈都过份地担忧子女:课业,工作,婚姻,健康——几乎无所不担心,你想这样的妈妈会快乐吗?

用“吸引力法则”的说法,就是“心想事成”。一件事情如果你用很大的“念力”去相信它,它就会如你所相信的去“实现”你相信的。

一个妈妈如果相信:她的孩子有能力去面对他自己的生活困境 与难题,那么这个相信就是一个“祝福”,而她的孩子也会因着这样的祝福而蒙福的。相反的,如果一个母亲老是“觉得”她的孩子不懂事,不会照顾自己,一定会吃亏上当的,那么这个“担心”很可能就成了“诅咒”,以后你的孩子果然就会如你之前所担心的那样,老是出状况令你担心。佛家讲“愿力”、“念力”,你的愿有多大,实践的力量就有多大。

从今天起,我们要当心去检查自己的每个“念头”,你对孩子:是担心多?还是祝福多呢?真的,爱你的孩子,与其担心,不如祝福吧!其实对于我们所关心的人,不管是家人、朋友、恩人、师长、同学、同事等,也都要给予全然的祝福,这样,不用因担心挂念而让自己睡不着,就是双赢!因为,“心想事成”,我们的祝福一定会实现的,从现在起,把担心丢掉,让祝福常在。

Easy Recipe: Tomato egg noodle

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I would like to record some of the recipes that the kids like.  My goal is to accumulate at least 15 recipes in the year 2014.

This tomato egg noodle is very easy to cook.  However, the result is surprisingly good.  Gege ate almost a bowl of it.  That’s a true flattering to my effort of improving my culinary skill.  This simple recipe is now on the staple list of our family recipes and I plan to cook it once in two weeks.
The original recipe is from here.  The two key points of this recipe are: 1) peel the tomatoes before use; 2) add in 1/4 cup ketchup to tomato source while frying the tomato.
If anyone is interested in this recipe, please let me know and I’ll do the translation.