Daily Rambling

有些人并不值得你为他/她生气,所以你也不必为此触动情绪。

深呼吸,心平气和,然后微笑。

所谓高情商就是这样锻炼出来的吧?

然,这并不是虚伪,而是做真实的自己!

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Daily Rambling

既然选择为人妻,为人母,就要做好自己的这些角色。

工作认真,因为公司拿钱买你的时间,买你的能力。为了那份工资,你会态度克制,你会对同事友善,你会肯花时间做事情。因为你的目标明确,就是为了那份工资,用于日常的开支。

同样的,为人妻,为人母也要认真。亲人们给你的那份信任、那份爱,岂可当作想当然?感情银行里的存放尤为注意。为所欲为,没有克制,想说什么就说什么,岂不是在随意支取感情银行的存款?久而久之,就会伤了感情。感情银行只取不存,就会入不敷出。比财政赤字很大更狠的感情危机就会来临了。

想到这些,就会提醒自己,做好为人妻、为人母的角色,好好的经营亲人们之间的感情。像打工一样,同样的需要克制,同样的需要友善。有些话,说出来会伤感情,那就不要说出来。不可为了自己一时的痛快说出来,让自己后悔。这就是克制!平等的对待家庭的每一个人,尤其是孩子们,把他们当作自己最好的朋友。有欢笑,有拥抱,有精心布置过的家,有温暖 — 这些才是向感情银行里面的存款。

Mini deep dish pizzas

I first found this recipe at Pinterest.  After tried it out, both Eric and Daisy likes the mini pizzas. Eric even took them for school lunch.  I take note here just in case the recipe is forgotten.

 

Ingredients:

  • 4 flour tortillas
  • 1 cup pizza sauce
  • 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
  • mini pepperonis (I don’t have mini pepperonis at home, so use sliced turkey instead.)

Instructions:

  • Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.  Lightly oil a 12-cup muffin tin.
  • Lay tortilla on a flat surface.  Place a glass cup upside down on the tortilla, use a knife cutting carefully along the side of the cup to make 3 medium circles.  Repeat on the other 3 tortillas to make 12 circles in total.
  • Fit a tortilla circle into each of 12 muffin tins, pressing carefully to make sure there is an opening in the center.  Scoop 1 tablespoon pizza sauce into each muffin tin.  Sprinkle with mozzarella cheese, topping with 4-5 turkey slices or pepperonis each.
  • Place into oven and bake for 10-12 minutes, or until cheese has melted.
  • Serve immediately.

To do list

  • Book list to be read by the end of this year:-
  1. The new testament
  1. Your children’s self esteem
  1. The five love languages
  1. Emotional Intelligence.
  • Excise — I have summarized several acts to relax my backbone and strengthen my spine. I persisted to follow those acts twice a day, two weeks in a row back in July, my tightened back muscle was relaxed greatly.   I’ll continue to do those effective acts once or twice a day.
  • Investment start over — set aside $500 a month for dividend investment.
  • Ebay items clearance — sell all leftover ebay items by the end of this year.

 

Simple life | love within a bigger perspective

The kids and I sat at the table for dinner while hubby was busily preparing the drinks for us.

He poured the juice into four glasses, took two of them, walked towards the table, and he put the fist glass in front of me. The second was for Eric, and the third and fourth for Daisy and himself.

He did all these in a natural and smooth way, and always in the sames sequence, although I only noticed it recently. Sometimes the kids shouted loudly for drink upon hubby walking toward the table, but he still pass the first drink in front of me.

This is one of the smallest details of our daily life. From it, I appreciate hubby’s care and thought for our family. He puts me on higher priority, he shows respect on me, and he is using all these little details to set examples for our kids. Being unconsciously influenced, the kids will learn to respect parents, and later on, they’ll also show respect to their life partners.

Upon introspection, I seldom pay attention to such details. In fact, whenever I pass drinks at meal, I pass to the kids first. The kids weigh too much on my mind and I always put kids on the highest priority, sometimes I even neglect my husband’s feelings without knowing. Hubby loves the kids too, but he loves within a bigger perspective and with a bigger heart, which I’m lack of and shall learn.

Simple life | Chew slowly

My husband likes to eat all kinds of nuts. When he eats, he chews slowly. He explains that nuts are too hard to digest. It is essential to chew slowly and smash it evenly before swollow. This way helps stomach absorb the nutrition.

I totally agree with him. However, with a quick temper, I’m always in a state of rushing for time and hardly have enough patience to eat slowly. Usually i can easily beat my husband at 3:1, which means i can finish 3 peanuts while he barely swallow the first one.

On the recent trip to Las Vegas, we ate peanuts as snacks on the road. This time my husband was driving and i had no excuse of rushing, so i follow suit my husband’s way and chew the peanuts slowly. To my pleasant surprise, i had a whole new experience of this chewing practice, besides what my husband has explained above regarding the benefit of nutrition absorption.

Put a peanut in the mouth, gently touch it with your tough and taste its rich flavor, crunch it with your teeth and hear the crouchy sound, use you tough to feel the whole peanut turning into small pieces and then into fine particles; swallow it slowly and make sure all the particles going down in the right direction.

With this practice, i was focusing on the moment of present and totally be mindful of the eating process. The process calmed me down and empty my noisy brain. A peaceful mind rested in my body. I felt relaxing while automatically pulling myself together. It’s a new wonderful experience.

Parenting | Avoiding the judgment trap

These days I am reading the book “Your Child’s Self-Esteem” by Dorothy Corkille Briggs.  I am still in the process of reading and plan to finish it by next week.   As a mom, I often got gusts of guilty feelings along reading since many of the inappropriate examples seem talking about me.  That proves this books is very worthy reading.  It pin-points the usual questions of each parent face and give step-by-step solutions to build your children’s self-esteem.  I plan to read this book in a way to read a school textbook and prepare school exams.  In this way, I’ll understand and absorb the content better, in hope to put the theories into my daily parenting practice. While reading along, I’ll exert some chapters or examples in this blog for self- examination, and also for sharing.

Avoiding the judgment trap

(Page 65)

Parents are constantly advised to spend more time with children.  Yet, it is the quality of time and not the quantity that affects the feeling of being loved.  Mr. H spends hours with his youngsters, working with them on projects and games. On the surface the time spent looks like proof of devotion.  But when you observe, you hear a flow of comments like these:

“Stop dawdling over your turn, Jimmy. Get going!”
“You’re not holding that saw right.  How many times have I told you to hold it this way?”
“Why can’t pitch that ball the way your brother does? When will you learn to throw from your shoulder?”
“You’ve messed up this paint job.  Here, let me do it. For Pete’s sake, this time watch me. If you’re going to do something, do it right!”
The hours with his youngsters are filled with criticisms, lack of respect, comparisons, and high demands.  The more time his children spend with him, the less adequate and lovable they feel.  Sheer time does not necessarily add up to love.

(Page 86-87)

To avoid judgments, tell your youngsters what is going on inside you without using labels.
The labeling words — adjectives and nouns that describe a person — are the ones that cause trouble. Words like “dawdler,” “messy,” “procrastinator,” “sloppy,” “rude,” “mean,” “selfish,” “naughty,” “nice,” “good,” “bad,” “shameful,” and so on are judgmental by nature.  Such labels have no place in the vocabulary of nurturing adults.
In general, using “You,” and following it by a noun  or adjective describing the child, sends a judgment.  Ordinarily, “I,” followed by what is going on inside you, sends a reaction toward behavior.  Let’s look again at some messages send first as judgments, and then as reactions.
 Judgement_reaction
Self-application
1) Stop nagging.  Kids are kids.  They develops according to their growth path.  It’s not fair to treat them as perfect figures, or as mature adults.  Honestly speaking, how mature an adult is?  I am in my late 30’s, but still in the process of self-improvement.  Be aware of any words coming out of a parent’s mouth.  Examine them before shooting them out of mouth.  If the words are not positive or productive, the parent and kids would be better off if the parent shuts up.  Sometimes, kids performs something improper in the parents’ eyes, they make funny noises or gestures in public, they go to scrutinize the flowers on the road side while you are rushing to somewhere, they refuses to cooperate to your request in face of your friends.  If they are not big issues, just live with them.  Only if you understand and tolerate their trivial childish words and actions, will you find the virtue of your kids, and will you enjoy every minutes spent with your kids.
2) Practice nonjudgment.  Use “I-reaction” — “I,” followed by what is going on inside you, sends a reaction toward behavior. Learning to suspend judgment is far from easy, because most of us have spent a lifetime being judged ourselves.  Below is one excise I did for my situation:-
“You are such a picky eater.” –>> “I am worried you don’t have enough energy to play ball later.”  “I really hope you can try this new food.”  “I feel so happy you like this pie.”
3) Treat the kids as friends.  Parents sometimes act as if kids don’t have feelings because they ignore their existence and discuss their kids’ shortcomings publicly in front of the kids.
In the book one page 90, the author wrote,
Ask yourself this question: “If I were to treat my friends as I treat my children, how many friends would I have left?”  Few of us would think of shaming or analyzing friends in front of others, jerking them up short with sarcasm, humiliating, embarrassing, hitting, or ordering them about like soldiers under our command.  Of course not.
A child is no less sensitive because of his size.  Disrespect always encrusts caring so that it can’t be felt.