Healthy love and addictive love

This is from Thursday’s class.

All of us have a healthy impulse to fine love, but our addictions take us away from genuine love.  A summary of the differences between Healthy Love and Addictive Love can help us find the genuine love we all seek, and deserve.

1.  Healthy Love develops after we feel secure.  Addictive love tries to create love even though we feel frightened and insecure.

2.  Healthy love comes from feeling full.  We overflow with love.  Additive love is always trying to fill an inner void.

3.  Healthy love begins with loving ourselves, being the lover we think we need.  Addictive love tries to avoid looking at ourselves and always seeks to get love from that “special someone”.

4.  Healthy love is based on our ability to love and trust ourselves and hence others.  Addictive love seeks sex and romance outside, precisely because we feel empty inside, and don’t trust ourselves or others.

5.  Healthy love allows us to be vulnerable because we feel secure inside.  Addictive love is based on a shaky foundation.  We feel we must protect ourselves.

6.  Healthy love grows slowly, like a tree.  Addictive love grows fast, as if by magic, like those children’s animals that expand instantly when we add water.

7.  Healthy love thrives on time alone as well as time with our partner.  Addictive love is frightened of being alone.

8.  Healthy love teaches me to value my own company.  Addictive love makes me feel uncomfortable with myself and in need of someone else.

9.  Healthy love is gentle and comfortable.  Addictive love is tense and combative.

10. Healthy love flows out.  Addictive love caves in.

11. Healthy love creates a deeper sense of ourselves the longer we are in love.  Addictive love created a loss of self the longer we are together.

12. Healthy love gets easier as time goes on.  Addictive love requires more effort as time goes on.

13. Healthy love is like rowing across a gentle lake.  Addictive love is like being swept away down a raging river.

14. Healthy love is satisfied with the partner we have.  Addictive love is always looking for more or better.

15. Healthy love teaches that we can only make ourselves happy.  Addictive love expects the other person to make us happy and demands that we try and make them happy.

16. Healthy love creates life.  Addictive love creates melodramas.


One thought on “Healthy love and addictive love

  1. This is a terrific summary/list, that seems to accurately capture the differences between healthy and unhealthy love. And the core issues that lie beneath our seeking unhealthy love. I’m curious where this list originated if anyone knows?

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