I am practicing a more balanced and slow-down life with the mindset of “take it easy”: Motherhood – Don’t compare the kid’s performance with the best one in the field.
It’s quite well known that Chinese parents are “tiger moms” and they push very hard their kids as well as themselves in an attempt to raise academically successful kids. Being a Chinese mom, I am often tempted to compare my kids’ progress with their peers and strived to be the best. “Someone’s kid swims very well, you should start to learn swim too.” “some kid is a chess champion, you should practise more of your chess.” etc.etc… No. I know this kind of thinking is not good. After all, the purpose of motherhood is to raise happy and healthy kids, not academically successful kids. That’s the basic point.
The other day, when I read a discussion thread regarding the topic of how to raise more independent kids in one of the popular forums, one of the comments was very inspiring to me, “The other day I went to see my friend’s kid play football. His name is Jim. One of the kids on the field was very active and played very well. In comparison, Jim wasn’t very active and showed somewhat constraint during the play. However, if you didn’t compare Jim’s performance with the very active kid, he played quite to a normal standard of his age. Jim’s parents didn’t compare his performance with the other kid. Thus, the whole family actually had a good time on the field.”
Yeah, I can’t agree more: Don’t compare your kid’s performance with the best one in the field. I have to constantly remind myself of this. Here are the three key point that I determined to do:-
1. Purposely ignore some of the childish behaviors of my kids. Allow them to act silly sometimes. Kids are kids. They act according to their age. I don’t request them to behave according to adult’s standard.
2. In a team or with some other kids, I don’t only look at the best kids in the group and compare my kids’ performance to that kid’s. My kids have their own talents and progress. As a mom, I should and have to learn not to compare.
3. Enjoy my kids’ progress. Encourage more. Absolutely no negative or belittling words.
Motherhood isn’t easy. It’s a learning process for me. I’ll monitor closely of my own motherhood progress, instead of staring at my kids’ performances. For now, I’ll to stick to the above three points.