想到这些，就会提醒自己，做好为人妻、为人母的角色，好好的经营亲人们之间的感情。像打工一样，同样的需要克制，同样的需要友善。有些话，说出来会伤感情，那就不要说出来。不可为了自己一时的痛快说出来，让自己后悔。这就是克制！平等的对待家庭的每一个人，尤其是孩子们，把他们当作自己最好的朋友。有欢笑，有拥抱，有精心布置过的家，有温暖 — 这些才是向感情银行里面的存款。
I first found this recipe at Pinterest. After tried it out, both Eric and Daisy likes the mini pizzas. Eric even took them for school lunch. I take note here just in case the recipe is forgotten.
The kids and I sat at the table for dinner while hubby was busily preparing the drinks for us.
He poured the juice into four glasses, took two of them, walked towards the table, and he put the fist glass in front of me. The second was for Eric, and the third and fourth for Daisy and himself.
He did all these in a natural and smooth way, and always in the sames sequence, although I only noticed it recently. Sometimes the kids shouted loudly for drink upon hubby walking toward the table, but he still pass the first drink in front of me.
This is one of the smallest details of our daily life. From it, I appreciate hubby’s care and thought for our family. He puts me on higher priority, he shows respect on me, and he is using all these little details to set examples for our kids. Being unconsciously influenced, the kids will learn to respect parents, and later on, they’ll also show respect to their life partners.
Upon introspection, I seldom pay attention to such details. In fact, whenever I pass drinks at meal, I pass to the kids first. The kids weigh too much on my mind and I always put kids on the highest priority, sometimes I even neglect my husband’s feelings without knowing. Hubby loves the kids too, but he loves within a bigger perspective and with a bigger heart, which I’m lack of and shall learn.
My husband likes to eat all kinds of nuts. When he eats, he chews slowly. He explains that nuts are too hard to digest. It is essential to chew slowly and smash it evenly before swollow. This way helps stomach absorb the nutrition.
I totally agree with him. However, with a quick temper, I’m always in a state of rushing for time and hardly have enough patience to eat slowly. Usually i can easily beat my husband at 3:1, which means i can finish 3 peanuts while he barely swallow the first one.
On the recent trip to Las Vegas, we ate peanuts as snacks on the road. This time my husband was driving and i had no excuse of rushing, so i follow suit my husband’s way and chew the peanuts slowly. To my pleasant surprise, i had a whole new experience of this chewing practice, besides what my husband has explained above regarding the benefit of nutrition absorption.
Put a peanut in the mouth, gently touch it with your tough and taste its rich flavor, crunch it with your teeth and hear the crouchy sound, use you tough to feel the whole peanut turning into small pieces and then into fine particles; swallow it slowly and make sure all the particles going down in the right direction.
With this practice, i was focusing on the moment of present and totally be mindful of the eating process. The process calmed me down and empty my noisy brain. A peaceful mind rested in my body. I felt relaxing while automatically pulling myself together. It’s a new wonderful experience.
These days I am reading the book “Your Child’s Self-Esteem” by Dorothy Corkille Briggs. I am still in the process of reading and plan to finish it by next week. As a mom, I often got gusts of guilty feelings along reading since many of the inappropriate examples seem talking about me. That proves this books is very worthy reading. It pin-points the usual questions of each parent face and give step-by-step solutions to build your children’s self-esteem. I plan to read this book in a way to read a school textbook and prepare school exams. In this way, I’ll understand and absorb the content better, in hope to put the theories into my daily parenting practice. While reading along, I’ll exert some chapters or examples in this blog for self- examination, and also for sharing.
Avoiding the judgment trap
Parents are constantly advised to spend more time with children. Yet, it is the quality of time and not the quantity that affects the feeling of being loved. Mr. H spends hours with his youngsters, working with them on projects and games. On the surface the time spent looks like proof of devotion. But when you observe, you hear a flow of comments like these:“Stop dawdling over your turn, Jimmy. Get going!”“You’re not holding that saw right. How many times have I told you to hold it this way?”“Why can’t pitch that ball the way your brother does? When will you learn to throw from your shoulder?”“You’ve messed up this paint job. Here, let me do it. For Pete’s sake, this time watch me. If you’re going to do something, do it right!”The hours with his youngsters are filled with criticisms, lack of respect, comparisons, and high demands. The more time his children spend with him, the less adequate and lovable they feel. Sheer time does not necessarily add up to love.
To avoid judgments, tell your youngsters what is going on inside you without using labels.The labeling words — adjectives and nouns that describe a person — are the ones that cause trouble. Words like “dawdler,” “messy,” “procrastinator,” “sloppy,” “rude,” “mean,” “selfish,” “naughty,” “nice,” “good,” “bad,” “shameful,” and so on are judgmental by nature. Such labels have no place in the vocabulary of nurturing adults.In general, using “You,” and following it by a noun or adjective describing the child, sends a judgment. Ordinarily, “I,” followed by what is going on inside you, sends a reaction toward behavior. Let’s look again at some messages send first as judgments, and then as reactions.
Ask yourself this question: “If I were to treat my friends as I treat my children, how many friends would I have left?” Few of us would think of shaming or analyzing friends in front of others, jerking them up short with sarcasm, humiliating, embarrassing, hitting, or ordering them about like soldiers under our command. Of course not.A child is no less sensitive because of his size. Disrespect always encrusts caring so that it can’t be felt.